“Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.” 


"It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay a hat and a few friends." 


Dorothy Parker in her own voice ... scroll down past the videos to hear her read (you'll need RealPlayer):
http://www.dorothyparker.com/dotaudio.htm

"Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves." 


After terminating an unwanted pregnancy: 
"It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.